Most people love winning. But that usually means that we dislike losing, and seeing someone else achieve victory makes us insecure. However, using winning as our goal is not the best thing we can do for our development.
There are many things in which there is no clear victory. Do you win in life if you got married? If you got a promotion? In other situations, winning is pretty much impossible – can you win by becoming the absolute best in your field? There is likely to be someone else who outmatches you, and that’s normal.
When you focus on victory, anyone else who wins suddenly threatens your self-esteem and confidence. Winning is not the best measure of success.
We need to focus on other aspects that signify success. This way, even if we lose or someone else wins, we end up gaining something.
It can be done by asking questions that emphasize different aspects of the process. Did we learn something new? Was there a lesson that will help us later?
Was the process enjoyable? Did it bring us positive emotions, an experience we can look back on, or something else that makes it worthwhile?
If we lost, what can we learn from this defeat? How can it help us or support us? What should we improve next time?
Winning can feel nice. But even if we lose, we should be able to find value in what we did and what we achieved.
If we focus on learning and growth instead of victory, we become much more resilient. It allows us to enjoy the process no matter the outcome and also gain something useful even if we don’t get the prize. Learning and growth stay with us forever and provide a deep and lasting satisfaction that does not depend on other people.
Learning how to take value from any situation is ultimately the best choice we can make for our happiness and success. It makes us safe even if we lose – a win is nice, but it’s not essential.
No matter what happens, we still take a positive from each situation we find ourselves in, whether we win or lose.
