I attribute my success to this – I never gave or took any excuse. – Florence Nightingale
We all have flaws. Nobody is perfect, after all. It’s a natural thing to be less than ideal and have flaws to improve upon. There are also going to be some flaws that will not be so easy to fix or might stay with the person throughout. Being aware of these defects is quite important: it helps to stay grounded and make better decisions.
But sometimes, we prefer not to see these flaws and instead focus on excuses that help us stay unaware and maintain a facade. Let’s take a look at the excuses we make and how these might affect us.
It’s all their fault!
The first and one of the most common excuses we use to hide away our flaws. We blame other people and focus on how others contributed to the situation. Now, things are obviously not always our fault. Other people can be the cause or serve as contributing factors to the situation, and acknowledging that is fair. But we should also have the capability to recognize our own responsibility.
Going all in and blaming others can help us feel at ease, but, in the long run, it hurts our chances of improving. It can also damage our relationships with those around us, because we get used to seeing them in a negative light.
Instead try to look for your role in a situation and recognize it without excessive guilt. Give each person involved their due.
It was the situation!
The situation can also contribute to a poor decision or outcome. For example, weather conditions or unexpected traffic can make you late through no fault of your own. But if we find ourselves in the same situations (and with the same outcomes) over and over again, then it’s a good moment to take a look at ourselves.
For instance, if you are late for work most days, whether it’s raining or snowing or hot outside, it’s probably not the weather that’s keeping you. The same applies to any other circumstances that constantly lead to the same results: at some point, it’s more beneficial to focus on what you can control.
It was because of my past!
Past experiences leave a mark, however, we also should not put the full blame for what we do on things we went through. Often, we need to find a balance. Our past experiences can make us act in certain ways, especially when we are talking about trauma. However, we still are responsible for what we choose to do when we have control.
While your past can certainly exert an influence, you cannot fully blame it for what happens today either. Instead, try to recognize and identify the impact of your past and make decisions that are better for you in the present.
I couldn’t help it!
There are definitely some things that are beyond our control. But, at the same time, we can’t claim we weren’t making choices when we were. It’s important to distinguish when we are allowing ourselves to fall into our impulses and when we are truly facing something that is beyond our control, like illness, whether physical or mental.
It’s important to know this distinction well, as it helps us recognizes areas for growth and also determine when we might need additional help. If we can, for example, stop drinking on the weekends and just don’t want to, the situation is quite different from a situation when we genuinely can’t stop drinking. We might need help, and it’s not useful to postpone that or ignore it.
It just happened!
We might not always know why we do the things we do. But it’s very important to be able to take an honest look at ourselves. If we don’t know why, we should go on a journey of introspection to discover what’s going on.
Using excuses can make other people less likely to trust us. It can damage the most valuable relationships we have. But beyond this, it can also keep us away from personal growth. While we remain unaware of what’s going on, we can’t remedy the issue. Facing our personal flaws head-on can be quite painful, and yet it’s one of the most valuable things we can do to improve.
