I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. – Thomas A. Edison
We all feel like a failure sometimes. You can be on top of the world, doing very well, winning and achieving, but still feel like a failure inside.
These emotions can come from experiences in the past or feeling never good enough, and it’s important to understand what we can do to combat this feeling. It’s not always tied to our accomplishments: we can feel good as we are just starting our journey to success and badly when we are, objectively, in a great place. So what is going on with these emotions?
What matters is what we see, not what’s going on
Our feelings are not always based on what’s actually going on in reality. Often, they are based on our perceptions, interpretations, and view of the situation. For example, if you are running late to your job, you might be very anxious or very calm depending on what you are thinking. If you are worried about getting fired, you will be nervous. If you are thinking it will be OK, your emotions respond accordingly.
You might feel like a failure because of the thoughts you are having about yourself, where you should be in life, or how you compare to others. The first step to stop the negative feelings is to cut down on negative thoughts. Identify the ideas that pop in your head.
Consider where the negativity is coming from
Sometimes, we might be negatively disposed towards ourselves and feel badly about who we are because of a high level of perfectionism or other traits. But in many cases, the reasons we feel like a failure can be more specific.
Ask yourself if the negative thoughts you have come from yourself or reflect things you have heard from family members, teachers, or other people from your past. If that’s so, you can distinguish this inner voice and shut it down. You don’t need to repeat the bad things someone once told you.
Celebrate the positive
No matter how badly we feel or how badly we are doing, there are always good things to recognize and celebrate. Mark your progress and recognize even the smallest achievements that are a part of your life at the moment.
You can learn to recognize and feel good about small things and big things that you manage to accomplish. It’s important to be aware of all the good that’s happening. You can write them down, buy yourself a little treat when you find something to celebrate, or find another way to mark your milestones.
At first, it might feel weird, and it might be tempting to quit because “it’s not a big deal.” But if you learn to make it a bigger deal, you can feel the progress you are making.
Reframe your mistakes
Not everything can be perfect. Actually, most things are not going to be. We always can make mistakes or miscalculations. We might not fully succeed or have everything happen just as we imagined. This can also contribute to the feelings of failure. Learning to reframe the way we see these situations can make a huge difference in this regard.
You can reframe the way you see mistakes. Look at them as opportunities to learn and grow. After all, when everything was completed well, you don’t learn anything new. Take on new challenges and give yourself permission to fail. View failure as a tool for learning, growing, and becoming something more.
Be kind to yourself
If you would not talk to others in the way you talk to yourself, then don’t. Allow yourself some kindness and compassion to be directed your way. When you are kind to yourself, you can accomplish more, because you cut down on your feelings of failure.
When you are kind, you can stop feeling like a failure even when things don’t go your way. And that experience is what empowers you to try again and keep going. Resilience and perseverance are the key traits that can lead you to success, and kindness is one of the best ways to achieve this.
